I have seen a couple of posts on Instagram asking ‘How you really know if you are a writer?’
A writer is one of the professions that is plagued with self doubt and insecurity, is what i’m writing any good, what if no one likes my story etc.
One of the things I notice is that when the writing is flowing freeley I think, yes I’ve got this! This is brilliant, of course I’m a writer. But when I am stuck, can’t seem to string two words together or cutting bits out, re-writing entire chapters, self doubt creeps in and I begin to think, maybe I am not a writer, maybe I should stick to my day job and just forget all about this story I’ve been working on.
But then while I was in the shower, I was daydreaming about winning the lottery. I had bought a ticket the day before, although while I am writing this I have still not checked it. The jackpot was up to £107 million! That is a lot of money, you could do or buy anything you have ever dreamed of.
I love playing that game with the kids, if we won the lottery what would you do/buy? Everything from a super yacht to a dreamhouse, I love all the things the kids say, including a remote controlled car for about £40.00, my 8 year old has simple tastes.
So in the shower I am thinking, I must check the ticket, I could be sitting on £107 million. Then a thought struck me, I would be quite happy to give up the day job and hire someone else to do it for me. But then what would I do with my time. After a nice sunny holiday, I realied that I would definetly want to finish my book.
Oh my! I would still love to carry on and finish the story I have been working so hard on.
So with all the money and time at my disposal I would choose to continue to write. What an epiphany, I am a writer!
Everytime I had spoken to someone about writing a novel I had always felt a bit uncomfortable to call myself a writer. I have not finished my novel to even get it published yet and also I had not really been doing this for many years like I know some people have. I almost felt like an imposter.
I had not realised through the last few months of spending more time writing that it had actually gotten under my skin as much as it had. I now find myself looking forward to getting stuck into it and the thought of one day finishing my novel and holding it in my hand makes me feel like winning the lottery.
So to answer the question, ‘How do you know you are a writer?’ For me it is when you can choose to do anything else in the world and yet you still want to write.
They say that inside every person is a story. I feel like this is true for me and I can’t wait to get it finished and to see if there are people out there who will love it as much as I do.
If in the meantime I have the winning lottery numbers, at least writing is something that I would be able to do, even from the swankiest of super yachts in the middle of the Carribean sea.